Have you ever had one of those experiences that just stops your heart and you think, this can't be conincidence?

When I found out my nana had bladder cancer, my dad was driving me to my friends. The song "Can't help falling in love with you" by Elvis Presly came on. That song makes me cry every time I hear it.

My Dad drove me home tonight from work and he was telling me my great Aunt is having medical tests done because she has lumps in her nose/mouth/throat. I meantioned maybe it could be varices (a huge pocket of blood, similar to an anurysm). He said, well actually they think it might be cancer. Literally, on the word cancer....Can't help falling in love with you came on the radio. I started crying. I'm scared she's going to die in 6 months. It's like a movie forshadowing, except it actually happened and now I'm convinced.

The one thing I love about break is my ability to catch up on sleep. Not that I can ever really "catch up," but I can finally get 8+ hours.

The one thing I hate about break is my ability to catch up on sleep. It allows me to both dream and daydream without realizing which is actually occurring. It takes me back to my past. It disrupts my day when I can't stop thinking about my dreams and what if's. It's hindering my ability to think clearly and move on.

Some days I wish I could sleep without dreaming, but then I realize how misreable I would be.   

Another semester finished. That's that only way I can mention time without depressing myself about how quickly it goes. I am one step closer to getting my BSN in nursing and one step closer to losing my mind. This may be the most selfish thing I ever say, but I never realized how much people need me. I don't mean friendship wise, I mean how much people need me to constantly do shit for them. The only time I am ever alone and able to think about myself is when I'm laying in bed, even then someone usually wakes me up to ask a question or do something. I just want to be alone. I don't think I have ever came so close to losing it. I mean, really losing it. Not one of my temper tantrums at work, not one of my anxiety attacks. Losing my grip completely. I need to find a healthy outlet before I hit that wall. No wonder they make nursing students take a "survey" aka secret test on cutting. There's so much frustration in having so much responsibility when everyone around you can party their life away and make stupid decisions while you've got your head in a book for the majority of the semester. It takes all of my energy to convince myself this is worth it. People have this perception that all I want to do is party my college years away. That isn't true. What I would like to do is have enough time to cook myself dinner every night, watch movies during the week and not debate whether I can take a shower or if I have to keep studying. I need a break from everyone. I need a break from responsibility.

Just writing this has made me feel better. I think the one thing I miss the most during the school year is the amount of time I have to write. I will be sure to do a lot more these next 6 weeks.

This wasn't a weekend I was planning on coming home from college but stuff happens. My computer is completely dead (who knew you couldn't put a laptop in hibernate all the time, oh wait...tech savvy me) and Bloomsburg suffered awful flooding this week. I had to evacuate because the water was deemed unsanitary and there was a massive leak of ammonia gas (which is deadly). Below is a pic of Route 11 which I usually take to get to Wallmart; the bottom right begins the fairground of the famous Bloomsburg Fair. I really hope they can still have it, for moral if anything.

It's sad, most people in Bloom are very hardworking rural families and there's alot of houses that were completely destroyed. The National Guard got called in and one of our cadets that was prior enlisted sent me an email that he was trying to set up an emergency team. We don't have class now until Thursday, so we basically lost an entire academic week. Not good for a nursing student.

I broke down at school already with the stress of having leadership in ROTC and my nursing classes (Pathophysiology, Microbiology, Heath Assesment and Professional Nursing). It also doesn't help that I barely sleep because I have a roommate that likes to party.  

I just gotta suck it up and start using my gun-range earplugs.

Yes I felt the earthquake.

My glass ice cream cone I painted started shaking and bouncing around on my bookshelf. I looked up and both my fishtanks were swaying, I honestly felt like I was high watching everything shake in my room. The dogs were barking like crazy. I didn't know it was an earthquake until my Dad called me and told me. I thought maybe a large truck had driven by and shaken my house.